Well, as you learned from my last post, even the best laid plans go awry...this can even be applied to my plans for blogging and sharing our story. To be honest, motherhood has brought an entirely new set of time commitments that I never realized, so sitting down to blog with twinsies at home (yes, they are home!...I'll fill y'all in on our NICU stay when it is perhaps not so fresh) is a rather difficult task. In spite of those new challenges, I still have a yearning to share.
Today, I will include you on my quest to become a "Hands-Free Mama." You see, God has been dealing with me for months...no, make that years...on living a less distracted life. I believe it all started in the early years of Chris and my relationship...back at ole' Etowah High School. I have always been someone who sought my identity in the praises and recognition of others (ouch! the truth can hurt). While I am slowly, but surely now seeking that identity in Christ, this is something I have dealt with for most of my life. With that said, I joined teams and clubs; worked a few jobs; and basically, committed myself to roles and responsibilities that I felt gave me worth.
Then, my wise "boyfriend" asked: When are you going to stop being so busy and have free time?
My response: Hmmm...college, yes, college. I will have lots of free time in college because we are going to the University of Alabama, and it's just so BIG. I'll never be able to be involved in college like I am in high school.
Wrong! Before I'd barely moved into my dorm, I was headfirst in sorority formal recruitment, then SGA, then College of Education ambassadors, and it only snowballed from there. I would be busy from 7:00am-10:00pm most days with classes, meetings, work, etc...of course, my "man-praised" self soaked it all up, but I knew that something was missing, so did that wise boyfriend.
Wise boyfriend: Remember in high school when you said you would not be so busy in college? What happened to that? When are you going to slow down?
My response: Well...when I start teaching, that's all I will be able to do. There won't be so many opportunities to join clubs and what not, so yes, that's when I will slow down.
Wrong again! Immediately, I began coaching and sponsoring (in addition to lesson planning, grading, professionally developing), then I began advising, coordinating, counseling, supervising, and a few other verbs OUTSIDE of my work commitments. While I honestly, LOVED, every one of these things, my days and nights turned into now 6:00am-11:00pm ones more often than I would have liked OR more often than my family needed. But did I listen?
Wise husband, colleagues, family, and friends: Do you need to maybe slow down? Don't you think you're doing too much? What are you going to do when you have a baby (or babies in our case, ha!)? The list went on and on.
My response: No! I really love all of these roles, the people with whom I interact, etc. I mean, I'm tired, but, they NEED me, right?!?!
Three strikes...WRONG again! Truth be known...and again, I tell you the truth can hurt...we, as humans, are replaceable. If something were to happen to us, we could be replaced in our jobs, in our voluntary roles, etc. BUT, we cannot be replaced as daughters/sons, mothers/fathers, sisters/brothers, husbands/wives, and friends. We cannot be replaced in the path/life/plan that God created uniquely for us. Wow! Talk about an eye-opener. I started to come to this realization when I found out I was pregnant, but was still holding out planning to continue life as usual, THEN I found out we were having TWINS. I began to think, there is just no way to continue at this pace.
On December 16, 2014, I was admitted to the hospital and told that I would be on bed rest until the babies were born, which could have been another five or so WEEKS! I immediately panicked thinking...what about my benchmark tests at school...that basketball game on Friday...the Christmas services at church next week...family functions for the holidays! Didn't they know that this was the busiest time of my year? I had to be there...I NEEDED to be there for each of those things...WRONG! That night, my very sweet and very wise nurse gave me some hard truth (with my blessing). She said, Stephanie, God doesn't NEED you for anything (not any of those things you mentioned), BUT He does WANT you...so do all of those other with whom you play an irreplaceable role. Talk about a pride-buster...I realized I'd still been seeking my identity in others through my time commitments and responsibilities.
For YEARS, I have been living an overcommitted, distracted, wired life. Instead of seeking those roles and responsibilities that God had planned for me (Jeremiah 29:11), I was signing up for, volunteering for, committing to all of those things that I believed gave me value. I purchased this book, Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford (from Birmingham, AL) (http://www.handsfreemama.com/) months ago, but with this new irreplaceable role as "Mommy," I am now committed to trying out some of its principles.
Consider this my public declaration, I am going to TRY to become more of a "hands-free mama." While I am still committed to MANY of the same roles and responsibilities, I now am seeking Christ in how to manage those time commitments while putting first things first. Please, if you know me and love me, by all means, encourage my accountability in this new factor of our journey.
As always, thank you for embarking on our journey with us! Until next time...which I hope is not months ;)
